God gave him joint rollers for hands
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
