I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
