I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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