So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My vagina is very pro this idea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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