Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
