ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
