Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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