im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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