Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
