He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
