I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
