You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
