dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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