Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
