I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
