Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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