i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
