mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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