I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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