I can tuck mytits in my pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
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