I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
