he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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