my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
