My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's even glitter on my cock...
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