just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it glows. i had to have it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
