Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
