My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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