I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
how does that bad decision feel?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
