Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
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Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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