Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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