so that wasnt chicken after all
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
