I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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