So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
