Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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