The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
