exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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