just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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