In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who died my cat blue again?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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