Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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