I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
