Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
