The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
