Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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