I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
