Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
