One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize