i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
