The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
