my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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