I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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