I'm really into asian looking animals
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
