I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
