I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
