Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she told me i tasted like america
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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