shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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