I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
