please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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