Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
