shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
