I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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