This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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