I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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