I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
