i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
