I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
