so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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